HOW A CIVIL WAR WAS AVERTED OVER VODKA AND DOKHLA

 

HOW A CIVIL WAR WAS AVERTED OVER VODKA AND DOKHLA

It was a somewhat gloomy morning in New Delhi with unusually heavy rains. As usual, the PM got up and spend the next hour or so with his makeup team and stylists, deciding on what to wear and which accessory to carry etc. Satisfying himself that the day’s look would impress his devotees, he walked across the hallway towards his dining area.
He insisted on a sumptuous breakfast, a very large spread of dry fruits, fruits, honey, milk, and lots of jaleby fafda and dokla. Any other delicacy on the menu was a matter left to the twelve cooks attending to his meals. He was still frugal compared to what Maharana  Pratap Singh, Aurangaseb or the Maurya Kings ate!! 

As soon as he seated himself and his butler started serving him, the phone rang. The rings sounded someone was desperate at the other end. Not easily ruffled, the PM nodded to one of his five secretaries, the one from his home state, to pick up the phone. Ranchodbhai, reluctantly withdrew his eyes from the dhoklas   on the table, and picked up the phone. He tensed as he heard from the other end and quickly handing over the phone to the PM and bowing, in all humility and obeyance, said " Sahib, Putin bhai che, line ma"
The PM, adjusting his kurta and stroking his rather expensively manicured beard, guffawed into the phone " Are Putin bhai, namaskar, jai sri Krishna, plegent surprige . Ha ha ha , you want me there kya?
Putin , his voice clearly showing signs of panic, managed to respond " Oh my friend, the enlightened leader, I am in a tight spot" .He further blurted  out " in trouble.  You are my only hope "
PM bhai chewing a piece of dokla, answered in a rather casual manner " Are Putin bhai, spot , trouble brable  chodo, Dokla khao, jaleby phapda joye che? Piyush bhai  can bring you some today, bolo"
Putin responds and PM bhai reacts " aare su vodka vodka kareche,  savare savare!!  Bolo su problem che bhai"
Putin explains his problem with Prigozhin . Asks for immediate help on how to manage the problem.
PM bhai reflects for a moment, continues to stroke his beard, and responds " Putin bhai, thamaro problaim che ne, see you do not do yoga, you do not worship Mata cow, samjo che ki nahi. Chalone Kai vando nati" I bill solve your probleim ".

Putin feels better. Downs the glass of vodka , without any chaser, and gives an encouraging  sound and bursts out  " Kpyto, kpyto" 
PM bhai was enjoying the phafda and the jalebi was excellent.  His mind shifted to this delicacy for a few moments. Meanwhile, he was thinking, an activity that he rarely does. He was more a guts man.  keep it eesimple , bhai , he often says. 
Having reached a decision, he spoke again " Putin bhai , pleage send your plane today. Am, bhai, sending my man , that guy from UP , you see. He calls himself yogi.. ha ha ha . Ip he waj a jogi then you will be Dalai lama.. ha ha…. But Putin bhai he eej good, bhai. You help him with pheu of your KGB phellos . rest he will do.. you know he is also a baldy like that , kon che bhai, your trouble...phrigo shrigo..." Ranchidbhai , still bowing , prompts "  Phrigozhin "
PM bhai " ha bhai prigo frito shan"
Putin " Oh ho , what you will send your best hit man?. Great! But don't you think that other baldy , Amit, should also be needed? After all Prigozhin is trained an armed. "
PM bhai " Leave it to baldy, I mean Yogi. He will take care and the other baldy Amit will review from here. You see all you three baldies...ha ha ha..."
Putin ignoring the last comment adds gleefully " Thank you so much Mr PM. I will hug you many times. Pl send me the dokla also. I will offer the best vodka to that yogi too." He then hesitates and in a uncertain voice, continues " PM bhai, you need any help from my KGB for your Kashmir and Manipur?  I have the latest cluster bombs."
PM bhai shocked " Kashmir? Manipur? why, what happened. Why I need help? He looked perplexed. Bewildered, he looked for clarificason from Ranchobhai . Unfortunately, Ranchodbhai was riveted to the dokla and did not hear him.
Putin realizing that he was on the wrong track decided to let go. His voice sounding regret  and he managed to say " No no . It is nothing. forget it. The arms we can talk later. Thank you once again. I am leaving now and making arrangements for Yogi"
PM bhai “ ok ok ... but when should I visit Moscow?...

But the line went dead.
A civil war was averted.  The world will never know these strategic talks.
The PM meanwhile proceeded to his aircraft that will take him to the next election rally. Life goes on..