ENCOUNTER WITH YAM RAJ

 ENCOUNTER WITH YAM RAJ

The cacophony, the lights, the pain, the trauma, endless tubes and drips, scrambling of medical personnel. In there, a MICU, I was confined for few days. All it did was  to push me further and deep into the transition state of the living into the one of not living.
It was on one of those days, amidst which my vitals had a crazy time, a mind of its own, Doctors perplexed and poor me watching all this in a state of suspended animation.  That it happened.  I, or whatever represented me slipped through that line of life into the other world.
I found myself surrounded by bright starry flashes of multicolour lights, a cloud of white smoke.   A feeling of bliss, all trauma gone. I was floating.
Looking around I saw me, my physical form lying in the ICU. Before I could fathom that, I was whisked away, speeding through a tunnel with all those lights and smoke. Then, all of a sudden, I slow down, made to take a vertical landing position, reduce speed and land softly on the ground. As soon I land, I surveyed the place. Nothing, empty barren land.
Then the scene changes all of a sudden. The land metamorphosises. A large castle, huge and across, sinister looking and in the foreground, quite in contrast, was one of the most beautiful landscaped gardens that I have seen. An imposing arched entrance with no frills and business like stood a few meters away.
Not knowing what else to do, I walked towards the entrance.
As I neared it, the door opened. Seconds passed. Curious and anxious I waited. Then I saw, in the darkness, the silhouette of huge figure meandering over to the entrance from somewhere inside. Still unable to get a glimpse of this imposing form, I stood still.
A voice, half growling and half impatient, boomed across:
This is Yam raj, the Keeper and master of Hell. Who is this? How did you reach here?
I tried to respond.  A meek voice came out saying I am so and so, from the planet Earth, in the solar system of the Milky way Galaxy and in then the only Universe I am aware of.  The last part was needless but it did come out like that. 
YR: With more irritation " I have no intimation and how dare you come here"
"Well", I said " I too have no clue.
YR: Now bright eye glowing with fury growled " Then get lost. Go back."
Me " Ok by me but how do I do that. Coming here itself was not my doing"
YR: "What a bloody mess"
After a long pause, he seems to reconcile but his anger and irritation increased.  He was figuring how to
handle this rare goof up by someone.
He changed track. "Look I cannot let you in unless due process is followed and only if you qualify" he announced.
I watched him. Looked a reasonable chap. Fast decision making. Pot belled, bare chested, muscular and over 6 plus tall. A majestic skull crown perched on his head. A beaded necklace with another skull as pendent adorned his neck. It occurred to me that earth links, at least Hindus, had described him very well. To a T. Or is my mind (I seem to still have it oddly) projecting what it was fed with.
I preferred to keep quite.
He walked closer. Had a hard look at me. Shaked his head disapprovingly.  I looked back, a gaze that meant please go on.
His voice boomed. It had the power and the firmness of authority.
" Now you answer few questions"
He shot out the first " How will you describe your life and actions"
My reply was prompt" Yam raj Bhai, I have no clue of what my life was. I had no control. As for actions they too were clueless responses to situations. Cannot help you here"
His exhalated voice thundered" Nonsense, answer my question with clarity" 
Me " That is as clear as I can oh great one!  A subtle hint at winning him over.
YR " You idiot, I need to know if you did any good back there or any bad actions"
Me: “I never was able to really understand what was good or bad. It seemed if I did good for one another found it bad”.
He banged his fists in the air, eyes glaring in anger, he boomed " I have to know. Anything and everything in general."
Me: “How come  you are  not aware of this as it is?”
YR" Shut up. I am the one who will question. Now answer"
Me " I did lot of good deeds, lots of bad deeds, made merry, couldn’t care less.   It was always an unfair battle on a non-level playing field.  So, Yamrajji, thou the ruler of half or more of the dead, majestic and proud, why don’t you judge and decide" 
YR: "Try and recall few really bad things you did. Then I can decide" His voice now on level, a hint at a fruitless pursuit.
Me: "But its others who have to judge if I was bad. How can I? I did what came to me"
YR" You want me to let you in or not"
Me: There again, is that my choice? What I want or felt never mattered. You decide and I obey"
YR" You are uncooperative. If you cannot convince me, you are out!"
I looked at him. Eyes met. He turned away. Walked back a little. Paced to and fro.
He stopped. He straightened. In a commanding voice he pronounced:
" Rejected. Classified as difficult and unacceptable. You will have to go back"
Me: “Back where? What about me qualifying for heaven?”
YR : “There too they will not accept you without qualification"
Me: “And what might that qualification be here and there"
YR. : “I ask the question.  Not you"
So saying he disappeared into a dark cloud, beyond the garden, and the arched entrance. Gate closed. I had the urge to call him and request a tour of his kingdom. Held back the urge.
Me stranded. I wondered. Here too, like in life, no clarity.
The next nano second, I was back in the tunnel, lights, sound, speed et all. Reverse direction.
Back in the ICU bed. My mind still with YR and the conversation. Felt sad for him. He did his best.
ICU environment and reality soon enough relegated these memories, as my battle shifted to battling the ICU, doctors, nurses in addition to my sickness.
Later, I had this anxious lump in my heart. Which, I felt, will vanish only If I find answers to YR' s (or Brahma’s) questions.  Additional qualification: Failed exam with Yam raj. Need meticulous plan to be accepted. Either place. Not having clarity even after 6 and half decades of life means serious trouble. And, as usual, I have no clue.